Car Talk -- Still a Foreign Language

I define my relationship with automobiles as BK (Before Ken) and AK (After Ken.)

Once I had my driver's license, I was granted the gift of driving my folk's 1949 Willys Jeep (which they still have!)

It was a love affair made in idiosyncratic heaven!!  It was a scruffy red color and a veteran of WWII.  It sported a canvas top with latch-close canvas doors and scratched plastic windows.  In the summer the doors came off and often the top, too!  How wonderful to drive such a convertible!!

The key was old and worn and it actually started better with the sharp point of a can opener, which I kept in a little metal box above the steering wheel, which was large, black and required determined effort to turn.  Although there was a heater, it was a later add-on and my folks suggested it might be best if I never turned it on, which I never did.  There was no radio but that allowed me to fill the jeep with my own singing.  It had two windshield wipers--a manual one for the passenger side and an automatic one on the driver's side.

There was a small issue with gauging one's gas level, since the gauge was highly unreliable, but eventually I got that worked out by marking a stick to indicate fuel levels from "full" to "fumes."  

Jeepy Ann and I had wonderful and safe travels until I went off to college.

In the BK years I drove a lot of lemons, clunkers and beaters--and, those were the good cars.

I'll never forget the first time Ken came to pick me up for a date in a very spiffy, shiny sports car.  I knew it was a foreign car, but my knowledge of cars basically included pickup truck, car, jeep, van and VW.  

I knew it wasn't any of those so I cheerfully greeted him with, "Nice Datsun!"

How was I supposed to know it was a PORSCHE (pronounced por-sha!?)

Some of the many publications needed for the erudition of a Car Guy.

Remarkably, even with that rather blatant faux pas  (I was a girl from Wyoming who never even heard of a Porsche!) we fell in love and later married.

From our first date, when we had to park in the "North 40" and hike into our dinner theatre, I knew my darling Ken was a bona fide Car Guy.   He speaks fluent Car Talk, along with German and some French.



In the AK years I've gotten spoiled with cars that start, run reliably and are clean--with windows I can see out of and have interiors that are tidy and dust-free.  They also have shiny exteriors, blackened tires, wax jobs that no one can rival, and completed warranty work.

March 2018 edition of "Motor Trend," with an article
I cannot resist sharing.

For over 35 years he has been speaking Car Talk to me--body styles, safety features, manufacturing tidbits, differences between models, differences between models between years, future trends, turning radiuses, Blue Book values, history of Porsche, zero-to-sixty speeds in fractions of seconds...well, you get the idea.

And, for over 35 years my eyes glaze over and I'm reminded of that line from "The Karate Kid:"


Wax on...wax off...wax on...wax off...

Despite his best and continual efforts, I simply don't know much more about cars than that fateful day I met my first Porsche.  

But, I've learned, some of the most fantastical writing is to be found in car magazines!

Take the other morning over breakfast, for example.

Ken started laughing out loud while reading his latest issue of "Motor Trend."

You gotta hear this, he said as he started reading aloud...

Soon I was laughing with tears!!

"Looking like negative space?," I laughed.  "This is like Art 100!"
But, wait!  We haven't even described the paint yet!

Clearly, these are people who take this seriously.  I mean, who can argue with "omotenashi?"

Later that day I was telling Ken about new throw pillows I had brought home from Marshall's to see how they looked on the couch.  I told him about the silky feel, the silly fringe corners, the uplifting colors, the way they should brighten the living room.  I swear I saw his eyes glaze over...

Wax on...wax off...wax on...wax off...wax on...